A Naked Man, a Necktie, and a Birthday to Remember

Sexy secretary

Secretary’s Day neckties – based on a true story

This is a true according to Ann Landers, save the addition of a necktie to this funny story. I found this piece about 12 years ago and decided to add a little flavor to it concerning sexy secretary neckties. The content in blue is what I have added as fiction, the rest is how it was printed in the Orange County Register – Jeffrey Hunter

Why I Fired My Secretary still makes us laugh on Secretaries Day. Dear Ann: A couple of years ago you had a hilarious column on Secretary’s Day that kept our office in stitches. I clipped it out and planned to ask you to run it again. Here it is, Ann. How about it? Nellie from Vineland, NJ

That piece originally appeared in The Shining Mountain Sentinel. I tried without success to track down the author. It was a great hit with office workers everywhere. I am delighted you asked to see it again – especially because today, once again is National Secretaries Day, Ann Landers

Why I Fired My Secretary

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, “I am another year older,” but decided to make this best of it. So I showered and shaved - put on my lucky grey suit, a light blue shirt and a tie that my wife had given me for a birthday present a couple of years earlier - knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear.”

All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife reading her newspaper, as usual. She did not say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me.”

There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to miss my bus!” Feeling more depressed than ever I left for the office.



When I walked into my office my secretary greeted me with a big smile and a cheerful “Happy Birthday, boss.” She handed me a gift, which I could have expected was a conservative striped tie. She then asked if she could get me a cup of coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. I took off the tie that I was wearing and as if to show her my approval of her taste in neckties, I tied that striped tie around my neck, of course in a Windsor necktie knot. When she returned with a cup of coffee, she smiled, noticing that I was wearing the necktie that she had given me as a birthday gift. It was a tonal mix of subtle reds which was a nice contrast to my light blue shirt and grey suit.

A thoughtful secretary's gift, a red striped tie

Later that morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Because it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together?” Thinking that it would make me feel better I said, “That’s a good idea.”

So we locked up my office, and since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town. And have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?” So we drove out of town and went to a little inn and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go to my place and I will fix you another martini?” It sounded like a good idea because we didn’t have much to do at the office.

So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you will excuse me, I think that I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room. In a few moments she opened her bedroom door and came in with a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks and that tonal red conservative striped tie draped across my bare chest which so wonderfully complimented my blushing face with a hue matching my new necktie.

The Carrot Tie

A Carrot Tie ?

 Another necktie of the Month from the Gun Carrying Librarian

I really have to have one of these for myself.  Where does this guy get these ties; a bacon tie, a carrot tie.  I thought that I had seen it all after 16 years selling neckties. - Jeffrey Hunter 

Necktie of the Month June 2010: Every now and then, you’ve just got to have some fun.   Here’s my 24-Carrot necktie.  No, not the “gold” variety, but the vegetable variety.  And wouldn’t it be nice if you could get your reccommended daily allowances of vegetables through osmosis?  I’d wear this tie everyday if that were the case....... read the entire post here and checkout the rest of his necties of the month and the other cool posts.

We do not have a carrot tie yet but we do have some cool novelty ties.  Wild Ties at Nice Tie Store

The Bacon Tie - Necktie of the Month

The Gun Carrying Libraian - An Officer - retired, and a Librarian

I found this really cool site with lots of great info and a special post called Necktie of the Month.  Here is my note worthy comment regarding a fairly conservative necktie, the first post I found, from there it got really interesting.  A Bacon necktie and that's not all.  Imagine a guy that has the full spectrum of ties; novelty ties, strange neckties, and as I mention below, conservative neckties. He even has Snoopy Ties - I love Peanuts and I really love Snoopy.  

But it is not just ties that I found interesting on the blog.  Just imagine that your best friend is a librarian and he has tonns of really cool stuff to talk about and in a really articulate way.  There is just too much to tell so I suggest that you visit the blog for yourself and don't forget to checkout the necktie of the month category, for heaven's sakes.  http://guncarryinglibrarian.wordpress.com/

July 6, 2011 at 11:46 pm - A Conservastive Tie - The Necktie of the Month,  Jeffrey Hunter Says:  Nice Tie. Not too conservative -nice pattern. Although I make a living selling novelty and wild fashion neckties that are mostly collector items I do appreciate all ties as long as they are not ugly. Now, that is a really hard thing because “there is no such thing as an ugly tie, just that some ties are more beautiful than others.”

Actually, if you substitute the word tie and ties for woman and women (respectively) you will have a famous quote once said by a Cuban guy I befriended in Miami in 1993. Renee had a way with words and women. He kind of reminded me of Ricky Ricardo, no kidding - he also wore ties religiously.


The one and only bacon tie

THE BACON TIE -Necktie of the Month May 2011
Here is a synopsis of a post in one of this blog's many categories The Bacon Necktie - Being a true lover of bacon, I’m surprised that I do not yet have one of these whimsical neckties (a deficiency that will probably be corrected before the end of the day).................I wonder if these neckties would be better at “hiding” the occasional grease spot that one invariably gets on ones neckties?......... read the entire post here 




 Checkout some cool posts

The Wonderful Brain

Standing on the Corner The Rock Group - Eagles and a Meteor Strike in Arizona

Courage According to the Lion in the Classic the Wizzard of Oz

The Gun Carrying Librarian. - Neckties of the Month

A Glow in The Dark Necktie - Strange Ties

Strange glow in the dark neckties

 The Victory Tie - Glows in the dark

Another glow in the dark tie to add to our collection of strange neckties.  The description and content of this ad is out of this world.  Whoever wrote this ad probably went on to write political fund raiser speeches or fairy tales. 

CREATES A SENSATION WHEREVER YOU GO….

It seems almost unbelievable, the magic of an amazing new kind of stylish, wrinkle proof, high-class necktie that actually glows in the dark! Glows with strange luminous pattern of patriot’s universal fighting code. *** - “V!” It’s called the new Victory Necktie, and what a sensation! Both men and women rave about its magnificent beauty, and startling miracle of its glow in the dark, that makes it the most unusual, strikingly unique tie you’ve ever seen. Imagine it marvelous effect – its actual protection in blackouts, or dim-outs, for its light can be seen at a distance. And now, through this astounding but limited introductory offer, you too, can secure some of these ties to wear yourself or give as treasured gifts.


YOU MUST SEE THIS MIRACLE YOURSELF

Make no mistake, this Victory Necktie must not be confused with any ordinary novelty tie, for by day you’ll be vastly proud of its fine material, its smartness – high-class, distinctive tie in every way. Wrinkle-proof! Ties up perfectly! It’s a rich dark blue, and in splendor of red and white, is the Victory Code that glows in the dark. You would expect this wonderful tie to be very expensive, but it won’t cost you $5.00 nor even $2.00, for under this limited offer, it is yours for only 98 cents. Nor is that all. You merely pay the postman 98 cents plus postage. Then examine. See how beautiful. And if you’re not eager to wear it, if you are not fully satisfied in every way, all you need to do is return it under the manufacturer’s positive assurance of money refunded. That’s fair isn’t it? Don’t wait. Send for you Victory Necktie that glows in the dark NOW.

Everywhere you go, by day or night, your Victory Necktie ( also called Blackout ) will attract attention, envy, and admiration. Imagine its beauty by day- the fighting man’s *** - “Y” for Victory, in striking red and white on rich dark blue background! And at night the Victory Code in flaming beauty! Wear this tie with pride – it’s smart, wrinkle-proof –and holds its shape perfectly. A superb bargain in quality, with the added sensational magic of glowing in the dark. Send for yours now!......

GLOW IN THE DARK NECKTIE CO.
307 W. Michigan Ave. Dept 500, Chicago ILL.

Strange Ties - From an advertisement - around 1947.

check out our previous starange glow in the dark necktie post  Glow in the Dark Strip Tease Tie

Necktie Flowers

If this were true and ties grew like flowers then I would be a wealthy man.  I've always said that neckties do not grow on trees when I try to explain how difficult it is to manage the inventory in the on line store http://www.nicetiestore.com/

Star Wars Light Saber Neckties

Another Photo Shop contest winner Jedi Knights fighting with special tie light sabers

Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kanobe duel with some special Star Wars necktie light sabers.   You may want to checxk out some really cool Star Wars ties at http://www.nicetiestore.com/

photo credits Freaking News PhotoShop Contest Winners

Neckties As Wind Turbines

Another Photo Shop image winner from a necktie art contest Necktie Wind Mill 

These ties do not look like they are made with polyester.  Silk ties are much more resilient than poly neckties so if a necktie was ever to be used for a purpose like wind mills; a silk necktie would be the favored choice.

Necktie photo credits at Freaking New PhotoShop Contest Winners

Michelangelo’s David Trending Ties

Michelangelo's David wearing a Portofino necktie

Michelangelo's David has a better solution to cover up his genitalia than that stupid fig leaf - wearing a tie is  much better idea.

The Renaissance statue David was created by Michelangelo between 1501 and 1504. The 17 foot tall marble sculpture represents the biblical hero David, a favorite art subject in Florence Italy. The statue was unveiled on the 8th of September 1504 in a public square, outside the Palazzo della Signoria, the government's center in Florence. The statue was moved to the Academia Gallery in Florence in 1873, and later replaced at the original location by a replica.

A plaster reproduction cast of the statue at the Victoria and Albert Museum has a removable fig leaf that hides David’s groan which was created in response to Queen Victoria’s distaste of the statue's nudity. The leaf is placed prior to Royal visits which hangs on metal posts inserted into the scupture.

David

Michelangelo's David has become a symbol of culture and an icon of the defense of civil liberties. The statue of David has been reproduced many times, in plaster, imitation marble, fiberglass, alabaster, and as art work. In recent times the likeness of Michelangelo’s David created in graphic illustrations have graced apparel and even novelty neckties.

The photograph above is surely a unique image as David is not only exhibiting neckties, he has a very unusual covering, which serves the same purpose as the infamous fig leaf, only a much more practical one.  Wearing art theme neckties such as this Portofino tie, Michelangelo’s David is answering in more fashionable way, how not to offend a Royal - or anyone else that may not take so easily the male nude form.  With no question Michelangelo would have protested such an alteration to his sculpture and the indignity of the censoring of his masterpiece.  Certainly he would not have been so tolerant of the fact that some people just cannot deal with nudity, blue blood or not!

This could mean a new direction in men’s fashion and a possible fashion trend by opening David's eyes to such wild ties.  Just maybe David would choose to wear a novelty art necktie illustrating himself which has been a fashion trend over the last two decades, certainly a fashion statement that would surely become a great curiosity of Michelangelo, David, and Goliath too.

Thanks to a visitor, Barbara - here is the link to a virtual tour of the Accademia Gallery in Florence.   No plane ticket is necessary, but I recommend a bottle of white wine from Italy and a linguine with white clam sauce as you surf the gallery on line.

Michelangelo’s David fine art tie

Check out our fine art neckties



David by Micheangelo necktie

High Stakes at The Roulette Wheel - No Tie?

Roulette Spin - Red, Black, Evens, Odds, or?

Going For Broke with no necktie.

Here's a guy that I will presume took off his necktie as he is doing something that is a once in a life time thing. I would probably take off my tie as well if I was him. It is not because he is better off for having a casual appearance - it is because he probably needs to take a really deep breath and wearing neckties in a situation like this one may make a guy a bit nervous. And, being nervous is the last thing that he needs to be. So, I will go on record of authorizing an instance of not wearing ties as good thing. Of course he could have just loosened it. Dare we even consider that he started without a tie in the first place?

Ashley Revell a lucky guy indeed  

Ashley Revell sold everything he had - his entire life's worth and travelled from England to the Tropicana Resort and Casino in Atlantic City to bet the entire sum of $136,000 on a single roulette spin. It was basically a double or nothing gamble. 

A U.S. roulette wheel has 38 numbers: 1 to 36, zero, and double zero. A bet on red, black, any odd, or any even number carries a probability of a win (the odds) of about 47.37%. That’s a little less than half - the house has slight advantage of about 5.26%. There is one thing that is a constant in roulette, the chance of red, black, even or odds coming up are dead even. The European roulette wheel was invented in the 17th Century by the French, while the American roulette wheel was not invented until the 19th Century.  The difference is simple, the American roulette wheel has two zero slots shifting the odds to the house. If the ball lands on zero or double zero the wager rides for a free spin unless you bet on zero then you win big.

$136,000.00 on one roulette spin

He bet black and then changed his wager to red within the first two revolutions of the ball as the roulette wheel spins – in accordance with regulation casino rules on changing a bet. He could have paired his bet by placing two bets of equal amounts; for example one on red and also one on column three, not a get rich bet, but an interesting way to gamble on roulette.  Further info at Dummies.com - improving your odds at roulette. I will add here to clarify my remarks and to indemnify myself that it takes a dozen guys to calculate a great bet, one to make the bet and 11 to stand over his shoulder and coach him. 

Roulete - every possible bet - odds vs. payout

When he switches the bet, everyone cheers, and he certainly feels confident with the emotional out burst from the crowd.  It was exciting for sure, this guy has guts, he is calm and cool and that mesmerizing spinning wheel sure captivates his attention and as well the hundreds of well wishing on-lookers. The ball hops around and it being the meaning of suspense is hardly sufficient.

You have to watch the video to see how it turns out. If he wins it’s a double the money wager. I will add one thing - I do not gamble but I will play the roulette wheel if I end up in a casino and I never bet more than 3 times and I always bet on red. It is something about the spin that captivates me – its’ fun and well, red – that’s a no-brainer, red is an aggressive color and it has its way of answering the challenge. Some people would prefer black, some odds, some evens, some will pair bets, or make multiple bets, and then there are a few that really want to play for keeps and take the grand prize. They’ll bet one number at 37-1 odds. The house pays at 35-1.  Roulette is about the worst bet in a casino and this one is a risk, you gotta feel good about that number or else – well you know what happens then.

Robert Daskal Roulette Necktie,
Daskal neckties are hand painted


Betting your whole life's saving on
a roulette spin, now that takes guts!

Check out our gambling ties

Casino Ties

Roulette Necktie

Gambling Tie

Some sites for roulette wheel gambling advice and information

Understanding roulette odds when you want to play on line

Probability - odds to win, winning roulette in various number of spins

Secrete winning roulette strategy

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/improving-your-odds-at-roulette.html

Roulette History on Wikipedia

John Edwards in Trouble

A not so lean John Edwards wearing a suit
and tie leaving Federal Court

John Edwards' jacket dosen't fit
him, but he has some bigger problems to worry about.

If you look close you'll see that John Edwards is wearing a suit that is not well tailored or probably from days past when he was a bit slimmer.  Regarding his loss in 2008, I think that he would have been a better choice for president for many reasons.  Let's face it the current President has pretty much broken every promise he made that got him in the White House.

Unlike the President Obama, John Edwards wears neckties and portrays a serious attitude, which is a really good thing because this guy needs some respect at the moment. He is wearing a navy suit with a white shirt and a blue tie - all of the things necessary for him to get the "good guy" message across.  He even brought his daughter as a show of family support.  But the one thing he did not do, was to carefully check his appearance in the mirror before leaving for Federal Court and this encounter with the press.  You may note that there is a distinct pulling on his jacket at the button and as well there is an "X" stress point in the fit extending across his chest.  This makes him look fat - as this jacket is too tight for him.  This is a classic mistake that a man can make if he wears a suit that he owned during leaner times.

However, as stated above these problems are the least on his mind.  He was indicted for miss-appropriating $925,000.00 trying cover up his mistress affair during his bid for the 2008 presidential election.  If he would have got in the White House this problem still may have haunted him but by then he would have had enough clout with the powers that be to avoid all of the fallout that may cost him his freedom.

He has admitted being a bad boy, but denied breaking any laws concerning campaign finance laws in attempts to protect his image and his political career, let alone his bid for the White House.  Charged with a six counts of felony he was allowed to remain free but will not be allowed to leave the U.S. while awaiting trial.  That will be a costly affair for him, both financially and personally with the possibility of not only having to go to prison but as well losing is license to practice law.

How he got into all of this trouble is no mystery.  Men often get caught with thier pants down, especially men of power.  A prior post in this blog further explains this further. Why ties have sex appeal and how men get into trouble.   One this is for certain, he will need some advice on fashion as he sorely needs a new suit or a new tailor.  Most important though is he better not show up in court without wearing a tie as that will surely send a message to the judge that he lacks respect and is not a serious gentleman.